Dear Johanna,
Happy 3rd birthday! Time flies and you are 3 yrs old! Gosh!
I woke up a minute earlier than your birth time today, just to pray for you. As your mummy, as much as I will give my best to you, I know that ultimately, it is God who will lead you, guide you, and protect you. I'm sure you already know by now that in all things, I entrust you to the Lord.
As I was praying for you, I was reminded of how you were born...And boy was it such a deliverance! A week before you were due, the gynae said that the water levels were running low and that was a risk to you. Should it drop too low, an emergency C-section was required as it may result in some brain damage. That was an anxious time for me and Daddy, especially so as we were first time parents. Wanting a natural delivery as well as you, our precious baby to be born healthy, we prayed earnestly every night. (And boy did Daddy prayed!) We prayed for the water levels to hold steady and asked for a natural delivery! So many times Daddy prayed till he cried. You must know therefore, how much we love you!
Lo & Behold, the waters did hold steady and approaching wk 40, at God's appointed time and day, you arrived!
I remember your birth as so dramatic and fast, that by the time I asked for Epidural, the mid-wife told me "Sorry Mrs Wu, its too late! Oh dear, call Dr Ong, the baby is coming!” You see darling, your delivery was so fast that by the time the active labour and real contractions started, your head was making its way! When the gynae did arrive, in split seconds, he said “Ok Joyce, at the count of 3 push – 1, 2, 3”
And without me pushing, you came out on your own!
I think that effortless delivery (for me) and how you came out on your own is surely a mark on the way God has designed you to be. At 3, I see all your strengths – you are independent, smart and a fast learner. Of cos, you are strong. And as much as it may become a weakness, Mummy and Daddy once again, entrusts that God will take that and use it for His glory.
Be strong my dear, as strong as you can be for the good things of God. Be fearless and courageous when you see someone bullied or something is wrong. Be fast my dear, in doing the right things and setting things straight. But ultimately, girl, know that your strength comes from the very fact that the pillar and centre of your life is God.
Be anchored and planted in Him, and grow strong and deep in Him. Let your whole being be firmly rooted and established in His love, and live your life out strong with a deep sense of purpose to His kingdom, family, community and country. Make your life count, because darling, you are so special!
And indeed, you are special. Never let someone tell you otherwise, nor put you down because you, as a girl, are strong. Mummy believes that you can be strong, yet as gentle and nurturing as a woman. Because you see girl, that strength is anchored in His love.
So, for your 3rd birthday, Mummy and Daddy’s prayer is that you will grow strong in Him, rooted and established in God’s love.
Know too, darling, that we love you. You are loved.
Once again, blessed birthday.
Love,
Mummy
8 Sep 2011
Wednesday, 7 September 2011
Wednesday, 8 June 2011
32 is THE age of freedom!
Time flies.. I've been married for 5years and already a mother of 2!
Yes, thanks to the Lord's promise, it has been a journey of great joy this time round. I thoroughly enjoyed the times I had to rough it out, adjusting Johanna to Joel while feeding round the clock every 3hrs. Looking back.. it wasn't that bad! Thank God!
I think one of the drastic changes that I see in myself, in the last 5yrs is how much I have matured... emotionally and spiritually. When things go wrong.. and hey, things go wrong in real life right? I was able to just breathe, laugh if I still can and go through the storm with Jesus. In the past? I would be so caught up asking "why did this happen?" that I was grouchy, upset and blaming mode. At the end of the day, I wasn't a very happy person.
I think another one of the great changes is that I was more at peace with people who are different from me. I am now less easily stumbled. I can stand by believing and doing what I think is right irregardless of whether that person deserves it, whether that person agrees with me... etc. I think that's really true freedom - where you can have the strength to do the right thing irregardless of the situation/ person.
I guess I have arrived at a new level of confidence in God... and trusting in Him. I am thankful for this journey.. and of course, my dearest husband who has nurtured me through it all.
Yes, Lord I am waiting for You to lead me in the next tier of maturity. Err... fear and trembling though... lol....
Yes, thanks to the Lord's promise, it has been a journey of great joy this time round. I thoroughly enjoyed the times I had to rough it out, adjusting Johanna to Joel while feeding round the clock every 3hrs. Looking back.. it wasn't that bad! Thank God!
I think one of the drastic changes that I see in myself, in the last 5yrs is how much I have matured... emotionally and spiritually. When things go wrong.. and hey, things go wrong in real life right? I was able to just breathe, laugh if I still can and go through the storm with Jesus. In the past? I would be so caught up asking "why did this happen?" that I was grouchy, upset and blaming mode. At the end of the day, I wasn't a very happy person.
I think another one of the great changes is that I was more at peace with people who are different from me. I am now less easily stumbled. I can stand by believing and doing what I think is right irregardless of whether that person deserves it, whether that person agrees with me... etc. I think that's really true freedom - where you can have the strength to do the right thing irregardless of the situation/ person.
I guess I have arrived at a new level of confidence in God... and trusting in Him. I am thankful for this journey.. and of course, my dearest husband who has nurtured me through it all.
Yes, Lord I am waiting for You to lead me in the next tier of maturity. Err... fear and trembling though... lol....
Thursday, 17 February 2011
Joel's a warrior - How God came through for his birth!
Sometime in July-Aug 2010, I had some bleeding which could be threatening to the pregnancy. Futher tests revealed that my cervix was infected with a bacteria by the name of "Group B streptococcus". Normally, this bacteria could be killed with Penicillin. However, as I was allergic to Penicillin, the other alternative was Erythromycin, something I've been taking since a child. Strangely, it did not work on killing Group B streptococcus and further tests revealed that I am already immune to Erythromycin (Bad news man..) and I was put on a stronger anti-biotics called Bactrim.
In September, further tests revealed that Bactrim cannot kill Group B streptococcus and it was still residing in my cervix. Since the bleeding had stopped by then, and Joel was growing strong, my gynae decided to leave it until 5 wks before delivery to see if Group B streptococcus is still there.
Faithfully, I prayed through the weeks and then came last week when I had to test if Group B streptococcus was there. It was 5wks to full term.
Guess the results? ***Hallelujah! God cleared the bacteria! Jesus heals! Prayer works.***
Well, Jesus heals and prayer works. BUT, the results are : Group B streptococcus present in Cervix.
"Deep breath". That was something I dreaded. Because:
Group B streptococcus, or GBS, also known as group B strep, is one of many different bacteria that normally live in our bodies. Approximately one third of us "carry" GBS in our intestines without knowing.
About a quarter of women also have it in their vagina. Most don't know it's there, as it doesn't usually cause problems or symptoms.
However, in rare cases GBS can cause serious illness and even death in newborn babies. Although these cases are unusual, GBS is the most common cause of severe infection in newborns, particularly in the first week after birth (known as an early onset infection)
The threat is possible Puemonia, brain-damage and death. It is a rather potent bacteria for newborns.
...... silence. You should see my expression when the report was given to me.... I was sooooooooooooooooo cool.........I simply asked the Doctor "What can be done now?" The answer, is I needed a "strong anti-biotics all the way till labour and pray hard that baby will be carried to full term and that baby will be fine. Also, once baby is born, blood test will be done to see if the bacteria is present. If so, immediate anti-biotics treatment for baby."
Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. "Hello? Jesus you there?"
I decided not to wallow in the images of possible negative results and choosed to claim the vision that Joel will be well. Everytime the negative image comes, I just say "Hey, that's not the image I am claiming." and I start visioning what I want to see coming to pass. You can call that faith, you can call that my "Bull-dogness" coming out again. Yes, I don't know why and how come this is happening, but I just know that my God will not and He cannot fail me. He is NOT like that. He will not play a fool with my Life.
For Johanna, her birth verse was Ps 121. It speaks a million to me and I'll probably share that another time. For Joel, until recently, I did not have a birth verse for him. Been waiting on the Lord to speak to me. However, since Aug, we have decided to name him after this year's verse - Isaiah 54: 2-3
"Enlarge the place of your tent,
stretch your tent curtains wide,
do not hold back;
lengthen your cords,
strengthen your stakes.
3 For you will spread out to the right and to the left;
your descendants will dispossess nations
and settle in their desolate cities. "
We decided to name him 子裔 (Zi Yi) = Descendent of Christ. It has a special meaning for Yifan because he was fatherless. Similarly, Johanna was name after 2007 (the year she was conceived) verse for FCBC, 2 Cor 2:14 子馨 = Fragrance of Christ. Both our children were inspired by the Church's verse for the year. Anyway, what was lacking was a birth verse for Joel.
I tried to comb Psalms again, thinking that it would be something similar to Johanna's Ps 121. But nothing resonated.
Until the Lord spoke today. His birth verse is also from Isaiah 54, esp v 15. The Holy Spirit suddenly spoke to me "No weapon formed against Joel will prosper". When I heard that, with my spirit shaking within me, I quickly refered to the bible and lo- and- behold, Isaiah 54:13-17
14 In righteousness you will be established:
Tyranny will be far from you;
you will have nothing to fear.
Terror will be far removed;
it will not come near you.
15 If anyone does attack you, it will not be my doing;
whoever attacks you will surrender to you.
16 “See, it is I who created the blacksmith
who fans the coals into flame
and forges a weapon fit for its work.
And it is I who have created the destroyer to wreak havoc;
17 no weapon forged against you will prevail,
and you will refute every tongue that accuses you."
I am ABSOLUTELY 100% sure now, that Joel will be totally safe from the bacteria when he's born. God has spoken!
And Joel will hear of this story when he's older. It's God's story with him. :)
Indeed, on 26 Nov 2010, Joel was born. 3 days later, the tests results show "Negative to GBS". My God cannot and DID not fail me!
In September, further tests revealed that Bactrim cannot kill Group B streptococcus and it was still residing in my cervix. Since the bleeding had stopped by then, and Joel was growing strong, my gynae decided to leave it until 5 wks before delivery to see if Group B streptococcus is still there.
Faithfully, I prayed through the weeks and then came last week when I had to test if Group B streptococcus was there. It was 5wks to full term.
Guess the results? ***Hallelujah! God cleared the bacteria! Jesus heals! Prayer works.***
Well, Jesus heals and prayer works. BUT, the results are : Group B streptococcus present in Cervix.
"Deep breath". That was something I dreaded. Because:
Group B streptococcus, or GBS, also known as group B strep, is one of many different bacteria that normally live in our bodies. Approximately one third of us "carry" GBS in our intestines without knowing.
About a quarter of women also have it in their vagina. Most don't know it's there, as it doesn't usually cause problems or symptoms.
However, in rare cases GBS can cause serious illness and even death in newborn babies. Although these cases are unusual, GBS is the most common cause of severe infection in newborns, particularly in the first week after birth (known as an early onset infection)
The threat is possible Puemonia, brain-damage and death. It is a rather potent bacteria for newborns.
...... silence. You should see my expression when the report was given to me.... I was sooooooooooooooooo cool.........I simply asked the Doctor "What can be done now?" The answer, is I needed a "strong anti-biotics all the way till labour and pray hard that baby will be carried to full term and that baby will be fine. Also, once baby is born, blood test will be done to see if the bacteria is present. If so, immediate anti-biotics treatment for baby."
Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. "Hello? Jesus you there?"
I decided not to wallow in the images of possible negative results and choosed to claim the vision that Joel will be well. Everytime the negative image comes, I just say "Hey, that's not the image I am claiming." and I start visioning what I want to see coming to pass. You can call that faith, you can call that my "Bull-dogness" coming out again. Yes, I don't know why and how come this is happening, but I just know that my God will not and He cannot fail me. He is NOT like that. He will not play a fool with my Life.
For Johanna, her birth verse was Ps 121. It speaks a million to me and I'll probably share that another time. For Joel, until recently, I did not have a birth verse for him. Been waiting on the Lord to speak to me. However, since Aug, we have decided to name him after this year's verse - Isaiah 54: 2-3
"Enlarge the place of your tent,
stretch your tent curtains wide,
do not hold back;
lengthen your cords,
strengthen your stakes.
3 For you will spread out to the right and to the left;
your descendants will dispossess nations
and settle in their desolate cities. "
We decided to name him 子裔 (Zi Yi) = Descendent of Christ. It has a special meaning for Yifan because he was fatherless. Similarly, Johanna was name after 2007 (the year she was conceived) verse for FCBC, 2 Cor 2:14 子馨 = Fragrance of Christ. Both our children were inspired by the Church's verse for the year. Anyway, what was lacking was a birth verse for Joel.
I tried to comb Psalms again, thinking that it would be something similar to Johanna's Ps 121. But nothing resonated.
Until the Lord spoke today. His birth verse is also from Isaiah 54, esp v 15. The Holy Spirit suddenly spoke to me "No weapon formed against Joel will prosper". When I heard that, with my spirit shaking within me, I quickly refered to the bible and lo- and- behold, Isaiah 54:13-17
14 In righteousness you will be established:
Tyranny will be far from you;
you will have nothing to fear.
Terror will be far removed;
it will not come near you.
15 If anyone does attack you, it will not be my doing;
whoever attacks you will surrender to you.
16 “See, it is I who created the blacksmith
who fans the coals into flame
and forges a weapon fit for its work.
And it is I who have created the destroyer to wreak havoc;
17 no weapon forged against you will prevail,
and you will refute every tongue that accuses you."
I am ABSOLUTELY 100% sure now, that Joel will be totally safe from the bacteria when he's born. God has spoken!
And Joel will hear of this story when he's older. It's God's story with him. :)
Indeed, on 26 Nov 2010, Joel was born. 3 days later, the tests results show "Negative to GBS". My God cannot and DID not fail me!
Monday, 6 September 2010
It's nearly 2 years
When Johanna was born on 8 Sep 2008, I imagined it would be the happiest time of my life. However, to be honest, its now the greatest testimony of God's goodness as it was the darkest moment of my journey on Earth (with a laugh).
Within 12 hours after an easy delivery, the hormomal fluctuations resulted in sudden heart palpitations, cold sweat and yup - panick attack. Coupled with severe blood loss due to the delivery, I had excruciating headaches and fainting spells by the very day Jo was born. I could not sleep and almost immediately, doctors suspected thyroid or something worse - post natal depression.
Tests were conducted, and within days, it was confiremd. PND. Yikes.
I had no idea what it was then. What accompanied was 10 days of no sleep (I just can't sleep), excruciating headaches and simply "out of control" feeling. I really don't know what was happening to me, why it was happening to me. I tried to pray - can't. Tried to worship - can't. Yet, through it all, my determined mind got the better of me - I insisted on breast feeding totally.
I was so drained by 3 wks - which then I was still sleeping less than 2hrs a day and virtually not eating anything except painkillers for the headache. I had refused sleeping pills for fear of breast feeding and addiction myself. I was so desperate for a breakthrough. Yet honestly, I felt God so far away. "Why was this happening? Where are you Lord? Is my faith fake?"
People who came to visit got a shock to see me. Yes, I hit the bottom pit when at wk 3 - Jo bit my nipple so hard it bled so bad, I had to stop breastfeeding for a few days to let it heal.
That was God's intervention. He was moving.
When we had to bottle feed Jo due to the nipple issue, I broke down. That release, that cry unplugged all the tiredness and tension in me. I started to be able to pray, worship and read His word. It was break-through point.
Within days, I was back breastfeeding. Though my breastfeeding times coincided with the panick attacks frequently. The Holy Spirit inspired me to meditate on the verses Phil 4:13 as well as Psalm 121 whenever I breastfeed to garner strength to finish the feed. That, went on for 1 year. Slowly, the frequency and intensity of the attacks slowed.
It explains why 1 yr after Jo's birth, that I really regained my health through adequate sleep, diet and exercise. Before that, I was constantly tired and really not myself. :)
My view of why things happen? Yes, darkness was behind it. But God allowed it. Why so cruel? No, He knows there were mindsets in me that needed to change. He also knows I need the breaking.
Brokenness is the mark of Spiritual Maturity. It was necessary for me - I am who I am today,due to that breaking.
I know what matters in life now, abit more than I used to. I also know Christ more than I used to.
I treasure my life alot more.. and life it with a huge sense of purpose.
God be all Glory!
Within 12 hours after an easy delivery, the hormomal fluctuations resulted in sudden heart palpitations, cold sweat and yup - panick attack. Coupled with severe blood loss due to the delivery, I had excruciating headaches and fainting spells by the very day Jo was born. I could not sleep and almost immediately, doctors suspected thyroid or something worse - post natal depression.
Tests were conducted, and within days, it was confiremd. PND. Yikes.
I had no idea what it was then. What accompanied was 10 days of no sleep (I just can't sleep), excruciating headaches and simply "out of control" feeling. I really don't know what was happening to me, why it was happening to me. I tried to pray - can't. Tried to worship - can't. Yet, through it all, my determined mind got the better of me - I insisted on breast feeding totally.
I was so drained by 3 wks - which then I was still sleeping less than 2hrs a day and virtually not eating anything except painkillers for the headache. I had refused sleeping pills for fear of breast feeding and addiction myself. I was so desperate for a breakthrough. Yet honestly, I felt God so far away. "Why was this happening? Where are you Lord? Is my faith fake?"
People who came to visit got a shock to see me. Yes, I hit the bottom pit when at wk 3 - Jo bit my nipple so hard it bled so bad, I had to stop breastfeeding for a few days to let it heal.
That was God's intervention. He was moving.
When we had to bottle feed Jo due to the nipple issue, I broke down. That release, that cry unplugged all the tiredness and tension in me. I started to be able to pray, worship and read His word. It was break-through point.
Within days, I was back breastfeeding. Though my breastfeeding times coincided with the panick attacks frequently. The Holy Spirit inspired me to meditate on the verses Phil 4:13 as well as Psalm 121 whenever I breastfeed to garner strength to finish the feed. That, went on for 1 year. Slowly, the frequency and intensity of the attacks slowed.
It explains why 1 yr after Jo's birth, that I really regained my health through adequate sleep, diet and exercise. Before that, I was constantly tired and really not myself. :)
My view of why things happen? Yes, darkness was behind it. But God allowed it. Why so cruel? No, He knows there were mindsets in me that needed to change. He also knows I need the breaking.
Brokenness is the mark of Spiritual Maturity. It was necessary for me - I am who I am today,due to that breaking.
I know what matters in life now, abit more than I used to. I also know Christ more than I used to.
I treasure my life alot more.. and life it with a huge sense of purpose.
God be all Glory!
Friday, 20 August 2010
God spoke
One of the most treasured moments I have with the Lord are the extended QT I get when Jo's in school in the morning, 2x a wk. I send her to school, then with bible and devotionals, head off to a nice place for a tea and QT.
And on Wed, I was craving for Mac so went to get a Filet breakfast. On settling down at a comfy seat, I asked the Lord "Father, you know the concerns on my heart, will you speak to me please?"
And He immediately bombarded my heart through my sight, the words on the Mac glass
- Laugh
- Celebrate
- Enjoy * 2
- Smile
- Dream
I was so touched! Felt that the enjoy = my 2 kids and the laughing and smiling comes from celebrating the goodness God will be pouring into my life (or has already poured). As for Dreaming, I know God wants me to arise again.
Yes, years 2006-2010 were years of dying, growing, stretching and renewing. It's a new phase for me. And I am ever excited for 2011.
2011 - Will be great not for what He has installed. But for the fact that He will be with me. :)
Tuesday, 13 July 2010
Whatever that is pure, true, praiseworthy... think of such things!
Grandma has been coughing for a month already... and Johanna unfortunately caught her cough bug and has been coughing for 2 weeks.
With Grandma, it has gotten so serious that the doctor was concerned it could be more than a normal bug. Wanting to eliminate other possibilities like TB, puemonia or heart problems, I had to bring her to X Ray today.
And at the backdrop of it all, was the threat to Jo and me and my boy boy in my womb. What's the implications should the following be uncovered? Guess there's really alot of threats in that sense..
Today, while standing with Grandma and helper at the Xray area, it suddenly dawned on me I should not even be there as I am pregnant! I quickly excused myself and thank God! Let my helper handle Grandma while I zip off elsewhere to take cover.
Yes, there are threats. But what's the right thing to do? Must take care of Grandma what!
Lord, I do what I need to do, You do what You can do k? You are the only one that heals!
With Grandma, it has gotten so serious that the doctor was concerned it could be more than a normal bug. Wanting to eliminate other possibilities like TB, puemonia or heart problems, I had to bring her to X Ray today.
And at the backdrop of it all, was the threat to Jo and me and my boy boy in my womb. What's the implications should the following be uncovered? Guess there's really alot of threats in that sense..
Today, while standing with Grandma and helper at the Xray area, it suddenly dawned on me I should not even be there as I am pregnant! I quickly excused myself and thank God! Let my helper handle Grandma while I zip off elsewhere to take cover.
Yes, there are threats. But what's the right thing to do? Must take care of Grandma what!
Lord, I do what I need to do, You do what You can do k? You are the only one that heals!
Sunday, 11 July 2010
Weekends...
Ever since the flu bug hit my household, I've been having very strenous nights and days for 2 weeks already. I guess it's getting its toil on me.
Emotionally rather frustrated and drained... yet at every junction where you want to "throw in the towel", there's this amazing peace and strength from the Lord to handle things calmly.
But I must admit that today, some of the bottled emotions are stirring in me.. to the extent that I'm getting the gastric reflux again.
Thankful at least, that my husband is with me through this challenging times. Guess I am tempted to be ungrateful and complain and play the blame game.. instead of being at peace that God is in control.
The pursuit of Christian maturity is not as easy as it seem.. but as simple as it is. Just rely on the cross!
Emotionally rather frustrated and drained... yet at every junction where you want to "throw in the towel", there's this amazing peace and strength from the Lord to handle things calmly.
But I must admit that today, some of the bottled emotions are stirring in me.. to the extent that I'm getting the gastric reflux again.
Thankful at least, that my husband is with me through this challenging times. Guess I am tempted to be ungrateful and complain and play the blame game.. instead of being at peace that God is in control.
The pursuit of Christian maturity is not as easy as it seem.. but as simple as it is. Just rely on the cross!
Monday, 28 June 2010
I keep telling myself I should blog more for personal sake
Must admit that I am someone who is perfectly happy to eat meals alone, go shopping alone, swim alone or jog alone etc. My husband always jokes that since I am someone who needs so much space and personal time, he finds it rather weird that I actually chose marriage.. or that even the fact that I love children and family. Well God makes everyone unique so I guess like my DISC profile - IC, its one of those funny things I gotta live with about myself!
Well ever since I became a Mum in 2008, I do find that personal time and space squeezed to the limit. Not very good actually, because then I find I get easily overwhelmed and tired. But then again, no regrets. It was a learning curve and journey for me - Having gone through so much transitions like moving house, training a maid, taking care of a 85+++ Grandmother-in-law, my daughter of cos too and new work (I changed from Accountant to Part-Time Auditor) and ministry changes too! I know that even though there were times when I just got so "BUNGED UP" God was ever there for me to run to, to go to... and then the light comes or things made sense. Really "ALL THINGS WORKED FOR THE GOOD OF THOSE WHO LOVE HIM!"
So here I am, arrived at a certain composure already, and starting to enjoy and really take things easy. Spending more time with myself is also good.. because then I spend more time with the Lord too and more at peace!
I have arrived at many conclusions and peace with certain relationships in my life.. or rather, certain imposed responsibilities. I know.. its' a conviction that took several years - that I have an over-responsibility issue. Having said that, it often goes into "its the right thing to do" then I end up super upset and miserable on how things should be and I should be. I guess as I journey with the Lord, He is the one that has dealt with the innermost motivations of my heart. I am more aware now that if I were to say "No" or to hesistate at something, its not really a selfish issue, but really, a humility to know my limits and constraints and also, God's timing for my life.
That's major maturity and freedom for me. At 31 yrs. LOL...seems late.. but well, God has His timing!
2010, I will end the year with a wonderful new addition to this family - Boy boy Wu. Haven't finalised what to name him. But I know though its a time of transition again.. I have confidence that as long as God is God of my household... we will sail through with greater joy than before. :)
Well ever since I became a Mum in 2008, I do find that personal time and space squeezed to the limit. Not very good actually, because then I find I get easily overwhelmed and tired. But then again, no regrets. It was a learning curve and journey for me - Having gone through so much transitions like moving house, training a maid, taking care of a 85+++ Grandmother-in-law, my daughter of cos too and new work (I changed from Accountant to Part-Time Auditor) and ministry changes too! I know that even though there were times when I just got so "BUNGED UP" God was ever there for me to run to, to go to... and then the light comes or things made sense. Really "ALL THINGS WORKED FOR THE GOOD OF THOSE WHO LOVE HIM!"
So here I am, arrived at a certain composure already, and starting to enjoy and really take things easy. Spending more time with myself is also good.. because then I spend more time with the Lord too and more at peace!
I have arrived at many conclusions and peace with certain relationships in my life.. or rather, certain imposed responsibilities. I know.. its' a conviction that took several years - that I have an over-responsibility issue. Having said that, it often goes into "its the right thing to do" then I end up super upset and miserable on how things should be and I should be. I guess as I journey with the Lord, He is the one that has dealt with the innermost motivations of my heart. I am more aware now that if I were to say "No" or to hesistate at something, its not really a selfish issue, but really, a humility to know my limits and constraints and also, God's timing for my life.
That's major maturity and freedom for me. At 31 yrs. LOL...seems late.. but well, God has His timing!
2010, I will end the year with a wonderful new addition to this family - Boy boy Wu. Haven't finalised what to name him. But I know though its a time of transition again.. I have confidence that as long as God is God of my household... we will sail through with greater joy than before. :)
Tuesday, 8 June 2010
Motivation
Must admit this book I'm reading recently has caused me to search alot on my thought patterns as well as my desires.
Physically rather tired. Could be due to pregnancy, life-stage.. not sure. But not exactly "on" for anything at the moment. And I've been like this for a long time.
I know these are not my own thoughts, but more so, the Holy-Spirit causing a realisation within me.
Waiting, allowing the breaking to take place, so that God can renew me. Afterall, "those who wait upon on the Lord will renew their strength; they will soar like wings on eagles. They will run and not grow weary, walk and not feel faint." Alignment to Christ. Coming. But not through my own strength, but through His renewal.
Physically rather tired. Could be due to pregnancy, life-stage.. not sure. But not exactly "on" for anything at the moment. And I've been like this for a long time.
I know these are not my own thoughts, but more so, the Holy-Spirit causing a realisation within me.
Waiting, allowing the breaking to take place, so that God can renew me. Afterall, "those who wait upon on the Lord will renew their strength; they will soar like wings on eagles. They will run and not grow weary, walk and not feel faint." Alignment to Christ. Coming. But not through my own strength, but through His renewal.
Monday, 17 May 2010
My 1st year of marriage
Was reading some newly wed friends facebook status and realise that alot of them have great honeymoons period. Was just thinking me and my husband's journey was rather different.
I guess we were both very different, and had come into marriage with different expectations. But I don't really think that's the reason for the many disputes.. I needed... or we both needed to know how to become 1.
Essentially, 2 cannot become 1 but must become 1 through the process of dying to self.
Good thing is, when you die to self and your rights.. wala... abundant life begins! :)We seldom disagree on anything now - from priorities, ministry, family etc.. hehe..
Thank you Lord!
I guess we were both very different, and had come into marriage with different expectations. But I don't really think that's the reason for the many disputes.. I needed... or we both needed to know how to become 1.
Essentially, 2 cannot become 1 but must become 1 through the process of dying to self.
Good thing is, when you die to self and your rights.. wala... abundant life begins! :)We seldom disagree on anything now - from priorities, ministry, family etc.. hehe..
Thank you Lord!
Sunday, 25 April 2010
Extreme Thankfulness
Tears fill my eyes when I was just looking through my blog. God has always answered my prayers.
Particularly, the portion about Daughter :)
Seeing my 12 get married the last 2 years was really special and such great privilege for me. Esp Calyn.. seeing her transform, and trust the Lord and finally walking down the aisle was such a great privilege for me.
I want to see more of my 12 get married, Lord. To the right man, Your chosen man for them.
Jo is now 19 going 20 months. Looking at her baby photos are such a milestone... for me! Jo represents overcoming for me. She has taught me to overcome. She has taught me to trust in the Lord. She has taught me to worship the Lord. She... has brought me so much joy.
Thank you Lord. Your ways are higher than mine.
Particularly, the portion about Daughter :)
Seeing my 12 get married the last 2 years was really special and such great privilege for me. Esp Calyn.. seeing her transform, and trust the Lord and finally walking down the aisle was such a great privilege for me.
I want to see more of my 12 get married, Lord. To the right man, Your chosen man for them.
Jo is now 19 going 20 months. Looking at her baby photos are such a milestone... for me! Jo represents overcoming for me. She has taught me to overcome. She has taught me to trust in the Lord. She has taught me to worship the Lord. She... has brought me so much joy.
Thank you Lord. Your ways are higher than mine.
Monday, 14 December 2009
Reflections of King Hezekiah
Been going through the devotionals from our church and getting alot of interesting perspective and thought processes which I believed were inspirations of HS (Holy Spirit).
I loved how today's readings talked about him after restoring God's temple, went around when messages to deliver a decree he issued. Basically, the decree was a hard and tough one that draws the line v v v clear - obey, fear and follow Him.. or else!
God led me to think about prominent election in USA of late. If I suddenly became King/President, what's the first 2 thing I'll do? Visit the middle east or? Diplomatic or Financial policies? I'm not sure what I'll do.. but one thing I learn from King Hezekiah, I must seek the Lord and do the thing He wants me to do. Not be bothered so much by the popularity polls.
That thing, is most prob aligned to the word. To His purposes, to His glory.
I loved how today's readings talked about him after restoring God's temple, went around when messages to deliver a decree he issued. Basically, the decree was a hard and tough one that draws the line v v v clear - obey, fear and follow Him.. or else!
God led me to think about prominent election in USA of late. If I suddenly became King/President, what's the first 2 thing I'll do? Visit the middle east or? Diplomatic or Financial policies? I'm not sure what I'll do.. but one thing I learn from King Hezekiah, I must seek the Lord and do the thing He wants me to do. Not be bothered so much by the popularity polls.
That thing, is most prob aligned to the word. To His purposes, to His glory.
Sunday, 22 November 2009
Satisfaction as a Mother
Time flies.. I cannot believe it when I tell people my girl is 14 months going 15 months.
It has been extremely exciting seeming Jo grow up so fast! Now, she can say "Da Jiang" (Elephant in Chinese), "Nanana" for Banana and also, "Tar" for Star. She can also go "Tut tut tut" for the song in Sesame Street! (Tut Telly Tut) She recognies shapes, animals,body parts.. etc
Best of all, when she wants something at the gym.. she actually signed "Please" to another boy!
Lord, really thank you for Ben, Glenn, as well as Faith Community. Thank you for people like Jeff, Rachel, Angie, Doreen Wong etc. Without their help and their sharings, I won't have had such an enjoyable journey. I won't have overcome and be where I am.
And really, this IS a FAITH Community!
Simply thankful!
Friday, 23 October 2009
Amazing...Grandma!
It's amazing what living with an elderly does to you.
Grandma has gone through World War, buried her husband due to racial riots, single-handedly raised 6 children and then 2 grandchildren.
It makes you realize what's important in life and what's not.
Nope, when you are old, you are not a burden to society. You are an asset. Grandma is like a pillar and anchor in my life. She teaches me what battles to fight and what to let go. Whenever I am discouraged and down, she's the one who speaks words of truth to me, often, the perspective of the Lord on that situation.
And tomorrow, Grandma is getting baptised at the age of 87! Praise God!
Earlier the night, she just called all her sons and non-believing children to inform them of her decision. Nope, she didn't bother to rationalize nor seek their blessings. She just informed them. Haha! I like her attitude!
And that's the simplicity of life. The right thing to do, when you are obeying God... just inform others will do. You don't need to be wavered by what they say or think.
Lord, thank you for putting Grandma in my life. She is a gift to me. Thank you!
Grandma has gone through World War, buried her husband due to racial riots, single-handedly raised 6 children and then 2 grandchildren.
It makes you realize what's important in life and what's not.
Nope, when you are old, you are not a burden to society. You are an asset. Grandma is like a pillar and anchor in my life. She teaches me what battles to fight and what to let go. Whenever I am discouraged and down, she's the one who speaks words of truth to me, often, the perspective of the Lord on that situation.
And tomorrow, Grandma is getting baptised at the age of 87! Praise God!
Earlier the night, she just called all her sons and non-believing children to inform them of her decision. Nope, she didn't bother to rationalize nor seek their blessings. She just informed them. Haha! I like her attitude!
And that's the simplicity of life. The right thing to do, when you are obeying God... just inform others will do. You don't need to be wavered by what they say or think.
Lord, thank you for putting Grandma in my life. She is a gift to me. Thank you!
Thursday, 3 September 2009
It's been a year of Parenting w my Best Pal!
I've always known my husband's existence being in church so many years, but never really knew him personally. When I was finally intro to him after an outreach event on Dec 2003, I never expected to date him then and later, marry him in Nov 2006. Shortly after 2 becoming 1, we became parents of Jo in Sep 2008 and started this parenting journey.
The entire journey has been filled with ups and downs. At times, it was so bleak I honestly wondered if light was at the end of the tunnel. But thanks to the Lord, as we prayed and continue to be transparent and learn to accept each other, we emerge more together, more 1.. and more love.
I'm thankful to this great partner, who always steers me on the right course and to do what pleases the Lord. He's indeed my leader, my mentor, my teacher, my best friend and my best partner! :)
Thanks dear, for being such a great husband and father! You've been fantastic!
Sunday, 23 August 2009
Johanna called me "Mama"
I cannot describe it.. it just happened. When feeding half way 2 weeks ago, she started calling me Mama.
And now whenever she wants me to pick her up, she'll call "mamamamamama" non-stop and do her "say please" sign.
And yesterday, Jo suddenly knows where is her head. When I sang the song "Head and shoulders, knees and toes" she suddenly pointed to her head. When I asked her to show me where her head was, she again pointed correctly.
And there was 3 weeks ago, when she suddenly held my hands and started walking. She nows understand "hold hands" and "walk walk walk in the light". I sing songs to her for both activity.
And there's the Carebear. I bought her a stuffed toy bear and began teaching her "Bao bao" = hug hug, "Pat pat" = sayang, "Kiss kiss" bear bear. All she can do now to the bear, and to people whom she's comfortable with.
There is tremendous satisfaction in her achieving all the above. All of them took time to be taught. I get so much satisfaction and affirmation whenever Jo picks up one new positive behaviour.
I get an amazing look on hubby's face too, when he goes - "huh, you taught her that?
" Hee.. one of the cheeky things I taught her was belly button. My daughter now knows where it is. When you ask her to show you where Daddy's belly button is, she crawls over, lift up his shirt and place her little finger into the hole.. all to tickle daddy!
I think God is like that too. He must be so satisfied and proud whenever we pick up a new trait that is His character... or values that He upholds.
Though the start was slippery, I'm really thankful for this parenting journey. I enjoy the process of teaching Jo new things. Hehehe... and amazing my all supportive and great husband.
And now whenever she wants me to pick her up, she'll call "mamamamamama" non-stop and do her "say please" sign.
And yesterday, Jo suddenly knows where is her head. When I sang the song "Head and shoulders, knees and toes" she suddenly pointed to her head. When I asked her to show me where her head was, she again pointed correctly.
And there was 3 weeks ago, when she suddenly held my hands and started walking. She nows understand "hold hands" and "walk walk walk in the light". I sing songs to her for both activity.
And there's the Carebear. I bought her a stuffed toy bear and began teaching her "Bao bao" = hug hug, "Pat pat" = sayang, "Kiss kiss" bear bear. All she can do now to the bear, and to people whom she's comfortable with.
There is tremendous satisfaction in her achieving all the above. All of them took time to be taught. I get so much satisfaction and affirmation whenever Jo picks up one new positive behaviour.
I get an amazing look on hubby's face too, when he goes - "huh, you taught her that?
" Hee.. one of the cheeky things I taught her was belly button. My daughter now knows where it is. When you ask her to show you where Daddy's belly button is, she crawls over, lift up his shirt and place her little finger into the hole.. all to tickle daddy!
I think God is like that too. He must be so satisfied and proud whenever we pick up a new trait that is His character... or values that He upholds.
Though the start was slippery, I'm really thankful for this parenting journey. I enjoy the process of teaching Jo new things. Hehehe... and amazing my all supportive and great husband.
Monday, 3 August 2009
Not sure what to feel and think... but just have to look up
Pastor Eugene was sharing this verse in Jeremiah 17 on God testing the heart and searching the mind. How true.
It's good to just pause and know that God's testing and searching through our thoughts and reactions. At the end of the day, it is God we answer to. So no matter what happens and what is going to happen, we need to just hang in there, and hang on God in:
1. Purity (In thoughts and action. Never think of retaliating)
2. Presence (In His provision. God IS IN control!)
3. Power (Power to Love.. choose to Love at all times)
3Ps - People, Programme, Place
&
Purity, Presence, Power!
I rest in You Lord. Let me rest in You alone.
It's good to just pause and know that God's testing and searching through our thoughts and reactions. At the end of the day, it is God we answer to. So no matter what happens and what is going to happen, we need to just hang in there, and hang on God in:
1. Purity (In thoughts and action. Never think of retaliating)
2. Presence (In His provision. God IS IN control!)
3. Power (Power to Love.. choose to Love at all times)
3Ps - People, Programme, Place
&
Purity, Presence, Power!
I rest in You Lord. Let me rest in You alone.
Saturday, 6 June 2009
Thankful- Grandma's salvation
Many relatives thank me for allowing Grandma into my house. In reality, I am the one that is blessed.
From Grandma giving me reassurance whenever I need it, to her recent SALVATION,and her simple faith... I am thankful.
God, thank you that in the darkest time, when I had to make a decision of moving Grandma in, and I was still suffering from panick attacks after childbirth, thank you that you helped me yield to you.
From Grandma giving me reassurance whenever I need it, to her recent SALVATION,and her simple faith... I am thankful.
God, thank you that in the darkest time, when I had to make a decision of moving Grandma in, and I was still suffering from panick attacks after childbirth, thank you that you helped me yield to you.
Saturday, 9 May 2009
Happy Mother's Day to Me!
Was pleasantly surprised when I return from work yesterday, to find this on my study table. It's my mother's day present from my husband, on behalf of Jo. It was blasting the song "Though I walk through valleys low, I'll fear no evil.. like the waters still my soul, my heart will trust in You.."
Together with the gift, was a card from both my husband and daughter - My husband wrote "Dear, this gift is for you to worship God in the room. Trust in God, He is with us.. and so we can worship God together as the Wus".
My daughter wrote (actually it's my husband who wrote for her) "Happy Mother's day, I love you! Thanks for feeding me, cleaning me, disciplining me, hugging me, kissing me, petting me, sayanging me... i couldn't have asked for a greater mama than you. I am proud of you. You are the best Mama in the world."
I was so touched I broke down and cried.
I think only God truly knew how much I struggled in this journey, and how much grace He gave for me to overcome and walk this far. I have never been as humbled and weak in all my journeys. Indeed, there's no way except to trust Him.
And really, thank God for my husband! Thank God I married the man God chose for me! I'm very blessed! :)
Thursday, 7 May 2009
Parenting
Been teaching Jo how to "Pass Motion" on the great white throne, drink from a straw, as well as boundary training. Saw a little progress with the throne and the straw.. but not too much success with Boundaries.
It is... draining sometimes to have to repeat myself again and again. "No, darling, stay inside."; "No, Jo, obey Mama. Stay inside."; "No, darling, you cannot go outside, stay inside." Like a broken recorder sometimes!
But to me.. this is a necessary evil. The end in mind is not the boundary. I don't really bother as much on safety as well. Some parts of me do want Jo to be well-trained so that people can affirm how good a Mum I am. But whenever God shows me that I am hungering after external applause, I pause, repent and ask the Lord to set my heart right.
So what's the reason for hampering over boundaries? Well, I believe the role of parenting, or rather my job in Jo's life, is to train her for Service to the Lord.
And in order for the Lord to use her - she needs to learn to obey.
Hence, the end in mind is not the boundary.. nor the safety. The end in mind.. is she learn obedience. Obedient to authorities.
Many men/ women in the bible had great talent.. but they did not pass the obedience Character test, took things into their own hands.. and downfall came.
Joyce, hang-in there. If it takes as long, it'll take as long. She needs to learn this, Jo's heart needs to learn to yield to God. It'll come. She'll learn. And God's grace will be there.
It is... draining sometimes to have to repeat myself again and again. "No, darling, stay inside."; "No, Jo, obey Mama. Stay inside."; "No, darling, you cannot go outside, stay inside." Like a broken recorder sometimes!
But to me.. this is a necessary evil. The end in mind is not the boundary. I don't really bother as much on safety as well. Some parts of me do want Jo to be well-trained so that people can affirm how good a Mum I am. But whenever God shows me that I am hungering after external applause, I pause, repent and ask the Lord to set my heart right.
So what's the reason for hampering over boundaries? Well, I believe the role of parenting, or rather my job in Jo's life, is to train her for Service to the Lord.
And in order for the Lord to use her - she needs to learn to obey.
Hence, the end in mind is not the boundary.. nor the safety. The end in mind.. is she learn obedience. Obedient to authorities.
Many men/ women in the bible had great talent.. but they did not pass the obedience Character test, took things into their own hands.. and downfall came.
Joyce, hang-in there. If it takes as long, it'll take as long. She needs to learn this, Jo's heart needs to learn to yield to God. It'll come. She'll learn. And God's grace will be there.
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