Dear Johanna,
Happy 3rd birthday! Time flies and you are 3 yrs old! Gosh!
I woke up a minute earlier than your birth time today, just to pray for you. As your mummy, as much as I will give my best to you, I know that ultimately, it is God who will lead you, guide you, and protect you. I'm sure you already know by now that in all things, I entrust you to the Lord.
As I was praying for you, I was reminded of how you were born...And boy was it such a deliverance! A week before you were due, the gynae said that the water levels were running low and that was a risk to you. Should it drop too low, an emergency C-section was required as it may result in some brain damage. That was an anxious time for me and Daddy, especially so as we were first time parents. Wanting a natural delivery as well as you, our precious baby to be born healthy, we prayed earnestly every night. (And boy did Daddy prayed!) We prayed for the water levels to hold steady and asked for a natural delivery! So many times Daddy prayed till he cried. You must know therefore, how much we love you!
Lo & Behold, the waters did hold steady and approaching wk 40, at God's appointed time and day, you arrived!
I remember your birth as so dramatic and fast, that by the time I asked for Epidural, the mid-wife told me "Sorry Mrs Wu, its too late! Oh dear, call Dr Ong, the baby is coming!” You see darling, your delivery was so fast that by the time the active labour and real contractions started, your head was making its way! When the gynae did arrive, in split seconds, he said “Ok Joyce, at the count of 3 push – 1, 2, 3”
And without me pushing, you came out on your own!
I think that effortless delivery (for me) and how you came out on your own is surely a mark on the way God has designed you to be. At 3, I see all your strengths – you are independent, smart and a fast learner. Of cos, you are strong. And as much as it may become a weakness, Mummy and Daddy once again, entrusts that God will take that and use it for His glory.
Be strong my dear, as strong as you can be for the good things of God. Be fearless and courageous when you see someone bullied or something is wrong. Be fast my dear, in doing the right things and setting things straight. But ultimately, girl, know that your strength comes from the very fact that the pillar and centre of your life is God.
Be anchored and planted in Him, and grow strong and deep in Him. Let your whole being be firmly rooted and established in His love, and live your life out strong with a deep sense of purpose to His kingdom, family, community and country. Make your life count, because darling, you are so special!
And indeed, you are special. Never let someone tell you otherwise, nor put you down because you, as a girl, are strong. Mummy believes that you can be strong, yet as gentle and nurturing as a woman. Because you see girl, that strength is anchored in His love.
So, for your 3rd birthday, Mummy and Daddy’s prayer is that you will grow strong in Him, rooted and established in God’s love.
Know too, darling, that we love you. You are loved.
Once again, blessed birthday.
Love,
Mummy
8 Sep 2011
Wednesday 7 September 2011
Wednesday 8 June 2011
32 is THE age of freedom!
Time flies.. I've been married for 5years and already a mother of 2!
Yes, thanks to the Lord's promise, it has been a journey of great joy this time round. I thoroughly enjoyed the times I had to rough it out, adjusting Johanna to Joel while feeding round the clock every 3hrs. Looking back.. it wasn't that bad! Thank God!
I think one of the drastic changes that I see in myself, in the last 5yrs is how much I have matured... emotionally and spiritually. When things go wrong.. and hey, things go wrong in real life right? I was able to just breathe, laugh if I still can and go through the storm with Jesus. In the past? I would be so caught up asking "why did this happen?" that I was grouchy, upset and blaming mode. At the end of the day, I wasn't a very happy person.
I think another one of the great changes is that I was more at peace with people who are different from me. I am now less easily stumbled. I can stand by believing and doing what I think is right irregardless of whether that person deserves it, whether that person agrees with me... etc. I think that's really true freedom - where you can have the strength to do the right thing irregardless of the situation/ person.
I guess I have arrived at a new level of confidence in God... and trusting in Him. I am thankful for this journey.. and of course, my dearest husband who has nurtured me through it all.
Yes, Lord I am waiting for You to lead me in the next tier of maturity. Err... fear and trembling though... lol....
Yes, thanks to the Lord's promise, it has been a journey of great joy this time round. I thoroughly enjoyed the times I had to rough it out, adjusting Johanna to Joel while feeding round the clock every 3hrs. Looking back.. it wasn't that bad! Thank God!
I think one of the drastic changes that I see in myself, in the last 5yrs is how much I have matured... emotionally and spiritually. When things go wrong.. and hey, things go wrong in real life right? I was able to just breathe, laugh if I still can and go through the storm with Jesus. In the past? I would be so caught up asking "why did this happen?" that I was grouchy, upset and blaming mode. At the end of the day, I wasn't a very happy person.
I think another one of the great changes is that I was more at peace with people who are different from me. I am now less easily stumbled. I can stand by believing and doing what I think is right irregardless of whether that person deserves it, whether that person agrees with me... etc. I think that's really true freedom - where you can have the strength to do the right thing irregardless of the situation/ person.
I guess I have arrived at a new level of confidence in God... and trusting in Him. I am thankful for this journey.. and of course, my dearest husband who has nurtured me through it all.
Yes, Lord I am waiting for You to lead me in the next tier of maturity. Err... fear and trembling though... lol....
Thursday 17 February 2011
Joel's a warrior - How God came through for his birth!
Sometime in July-Aug 2010, I had some bleeding which could be threatening to the pregnancy. Futher tests revealed that my cervix was infected with a bacteria by the name of "Group B streptococcus". Normally, this bacteria could be killed with Penicillin. However, as I was allergic to Penicillin, the other alternative was Erythromycin, something I've been taking since a child. Strangely, it did not work on killing Group B streptococcus and further tests revealed that I am already immune to Erythromycin (Bad news man..) and I was put on a stronger anti-biotics called Bactrim.
In September, further tests revealed that Bactrim cannot kill Group B streptococcus and it was still residing in my cervix. Since the bleeding had stopped by then, and Joel was growing strong, my gynae decided to leave it until 5 wks before delivery to see if Group B streptococcus is still there.
Faithfully, I prayed through the weeks and then came last week when I had to test if Group B streptococcus was there. It was 5wks to full term.
Guess the results? ***Hallelujah! God cleared the bacteria! Jesus heals! Prayer works.***
Well, Jesus heals and prayer works. BUT, the results are : Group B streptococcus present in Cervix.
"Deep breath". That was something I dreaded. Because:
Group B streptococcus, or GBS, also known as group B strep, is one of many different bacteria that normally live in our bodies. Approximately one third of us "carry" GBS in our intestines without knowing.
About a quarter of women also have it in their vagina. Most don't know it's there, as it doesn't usually cause problems or symptoms.
However, in rare cases GBS can cause serious illness and even death in newborn babies. Although these cases are unusual, GBS is the most common cause of severe infection in newborns, particularly in the first week after birth (known as an early onset infection)
The threat is possible Puemonia, brain-damage and death. It is a rather potent bacteria for newborns.
...... silence. You should see my expression when the report was given to me.... I was sooooooooooooooooo cool.........I simply asked the Doctor "What can be done now?" The answer, is I needed a "strong anti-biotics all the way till labour and pray hard that baby will be carried to full term and that baby will be fine. Also, once baby is born, blood test will be done to see if the bacteria is present. If so, immediate anti-biotics treatment for baby."
Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. "Hello? Jesus you there?"
I decided not to wallow in the images of possible negative results and choosed to claim the vision that Joel will be well. Everytime the negative image comes, I just say "Hey, that's not the image I am claiming." and I start visioning what I want to see coming to pass. You can call that faith, you can call that my "Bull-dogness" coming out again. Yes, I don't know why and how come this is happening, but I just know that my God will not and He cannot fail me. He is NOT like that. He will not play a fool with my Life.
For Johanna, her birth verse was Ps 121. It speaks a million to me and I'll probably share that another time. For Joel, until recently, I did not have a birth verse for him. Been waiting on the Lord to speak to me. However, since Aug, we have decided to name him after this year's verse - Isaiah 54: 2-3
"Enlarge the place of your tent,
stretch your tent curtains wide,
do not hold back;
lengthen your cords,
strengthen your stakes.
3 For you will spread out to the right and to the left;
your descendants will dispossess nations
and settle in their desolate cities. "
We decided to name him 子裔 (Zi Yi) = Descendent of Christ. It has a special meaning for Yifan because he was fatherless. Similarly, Johanna was name after 2007 (the year she was conceived) verse for FCBC, 2 Cor 2:14 子馨 = Fragrance of Christ. Both our children were inspired by the Church's verse for the year. Anyway, what was lacking was a birth verse for Joel.
I tried to comb Psalms again, thinking that it would be something similar to Johanna's Ps 121. But nothing resonated.
Until the Lord spoke today. His birth verse is also from Isaiah 54, esp v 15. The Holy Spirit suddenly spoke to me "No weapon formed against Joel will prosper". When I heard that, with my spirit shaking within me, I quickly refered to the bible and lo- and- behold, Isaiah 54:13-17
14 In righteousness you will be established:
Tyranny will be far from you;
you will have nothing to fear.
Terror will be far removed;
it will not come near you.
15 If anyone does attack you, it will not be my doing;
whoever attacks you will surrender to you.
16 “See, it is I who created the blacksmith
who fans the coals into flame
and forges a weapon fit for its work.
And it is I who have created the destroyer to wreak havoc;
17 no weapon forged against you will prevail,
and you will refute every tongue that accuses you."
I am ABSOLUTELY 100% sure now, that Joel will be totally safe from the bacteria when he's born. God has spoken!
And Joel will hear of this story when he's older. It's God's story with him. :)
Indeed, on 26 Nov 2010, Joel was born. 3 days later, the tests results show "Negative to GBS". My God cannot and DID not fail me!
In September, further tests revealed that Bactrim cannot kill Group B streptococcus and it was still residing in my cervix. Since the bleeding had stopped by then, and Joel was growing strong, my gynae decided to leave it until 5 wks before delivery to see if Group B streptococcus is still there.
Faithfully, I prayed through the weeks and then came last week when I had to test if Group B streptococcus was there. It was 5wks to full term.
Guess the results? ***Hallelujah! God cleared the bacteria! Jesus heals! Prayer works.***
Well, Jesus heals and prayer works. BUT, the results are : Group B streptococcus present in Cervix.
"Deep breath". That was something I dreaded. Because:
Group B streptococcus, or GBS, also known as group B strep, is one of many different bacteria that normally live in our bodies. Approximately one third of us "carry" GBS in our intestines without knowing.
About a quarter of women also have it in their vagina. Most don't know it's there, as it doesn't usually cause problems or symptoms.
However, in rare cases GBS can cause serious illness and even death in newborn babies. Although these cases are unusual, GBS is the most common cause of severe infection in newborns, particularly in the first week after birth (known as an early onset infection)
The threat is possible Puemonia, brain-damage and death. It is a rather potent bacteria for newborns.
...... silence. You should see my expression when the report was given to me.... I was sooooooooooooooooo cool.........I simply asked the Doctor "What can be done now?" The answer, is I needed a "strong anti-biotics all the way till labour and pray hard that baby will be carried to full term and that baby will be fine. Also, once baby is born, blood test will be done to see if the bacteria is present. If so, immediate anti-biotics treatment for baby."
Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. "Hello? Jesus you there?"
I decided not to wallow in the images of possible negative results and choosed to claim the vision that Joel will be well. Everytime the negative image comes, I just say "Hey, that's not the image I am claiming." and I start visioning what I want to see coming to pass. You can call that faith, you can call that my "Bull-dogness" coming out again. Yes, I don't know why and how come this is happening, but I just know that my God will not and He cannot fail me. He is NOT like that. He will not play a fool with my Life.
For Johanna, her birth verse was Ps 121. It speaks a million to me and I'll probably share that another time. For Joel, until recently, I did not have a birth verse for him. Been waiting on the Lord to speak to me. However, since Aug, we have decided to name him after this year's verse - Isaiah 54: 2-3
"Enlarge the place of your tent,
stretch your tent curtains wide,
do not hold back;
lengthen your cords,
strengthen your stakes.
3 For you will spread out to the right and to the left;
your descendants will dispossess nations
and settle in their desolate cities. "
We decided to name him 子裔 (Zi Yi) = Descendent of Christ. It has a special meaning for Yifan because he was fatherless. Similarly, Johanna was name after 2007 (the year she was conceived) verse for FCBC, 2 Cor 2:14 子馨 = Fragrance of Christ. Both our children were inspired by the Church's verse for the year. Anyway, what was lacking was a birth verse for Joel.
I tried to comb Psalms again, thinking that it would be something similar to Johanna's Ps 121. But nothing resonated.
Until the Lord spoke today. His birth verse is also from Isaiah 54, esp v 15. The Holy Spirit suddenly spoke to me "No weapon formed against Joel will prosper". When I heard that, with my spirit shaking within me, I quickly refered to the bible and lo- and- behold, Isaiah 54:13-17
14 In righteousness you will be established:
Tyranny will be far from you;
you will have nothing to fear.
Terror will be far removed;
it will not come near you.
15 If anyone does attack you, it will not be my doing;
whoever attacks you will surrender to you.
16 “See, it is I who created the blacksmith
who fans the coals into flame
and forges a weapon fit for its work.
And it is I who have created the destroyer to wreak havoc;
17 no weapon forged against you will prevail,
and you will refute every tongue that accuses you."
I am ABSOLUTELY 100% sure now, that Joel will be totally safe from the bacteria when he's born. God has spoken!
And Joel will hear of this story when he's older. It's God's story with him. :)
Indeed, on 26 Nov 2010, Joel was born. 3 days later, the tests results show "Negative to GBS". My God cannot and DID not fail me!
Monday 6 September 2010
It's nearly 2 years
When Johanna was born on 8 Sep 2008, I imagined it would be the happiest time of my life. However, to be honest, its now the greatest testimony of God's goodness as it was the darkest moment of my journey on Earth (with a laugh).
Within 12 hours after an easy delivery, the hormomal fluctuations resulted in sudden heart palpitations, cold sweat and yup - panick attack. Coupled with severe blood loss due to the delivery, I had excruciating headaches and fainting spells by the very day Jo was born. I could not sleep and almost immediately, doctors suspected thyroid or something worse - post natal depression.
Tests were conducted, and within days, it was confiremd. PND. Yikes.
I had no idea what it was then. What accompanied was 10 days of no sleep (I just can't sleep), excruciating headaches and simply "out of control" feeling. I really don't know what was happening to me, why it was happening to me. I tried to pray - can't. Tried to worship - can't. Yet, through it all, my determined mind got the better of me - I insisted on breast feeding totally.
I was so drained by 3 wks - which then I was still sleeping less than 2hrs a day and virtually not eating anything except painkillers for the headache. I had refused sleeping pills for fear of breast feeding and addiction myself. I was so desperate for a breakthrough. Yet honestly, I felt God so far away. "Why was this happening? Where are you Lord? Is my faith fake?"
People who came to visit got a shock to see me. Yes, I hit the bottom pit when at wk 3 - Jo bit my nipple so hard it bled so bad, I had to stop breastfeeding for a few days to let it heal.
That was God's intervention. He was moving.
When we had to bottle feed Jo due to the nipple issue, I broke down. That release, that cry unplugged all the tiredness and tension in me. I started to be able to pray, worship and read His word. It was break-through point.
Within days, I was back breastfeeding. Though my breastfeeding times coincided with the panick attacks frequently. The Holy Spirit inspired me to meditate on the verses Phil 4:13 as well as Psalm 121 whenever I breastfeed to garner strength to finish the feed. That, went on for 1 year. Slowly, the frequency and intensity of the attacks slowed.
It explains why 1 yr after Jo's birth, that I really regained my health through adequate sleep, diet and exercise. Before that, I was constantly tired and really not myself. :)
My view of why things happen? Yes, darkness was behind it. But God allowed it. Why so cruel? No, He knows there were mindsets in me that needed to change. He also knows I need the breaking.
Brokenness is the mark of Spiritual Maturity. It was necessary for me - I am who I am today,due to that breaking.
I know what matters in life now, abit more than I used to. I also know Christ more than I used to.
I treasure my life alot more.. and life it with a huge sense of purpose.
God be all Glory!
Within 12 hours after an easy delivery, the hormomal fluctuations resulted in sudden heart palpitations, cold sweat and yup - panick attack. Coupled with severe blood loss due to the delivery, I had excruciating headaches and fainting spells by the very day Jo was born. I could not sleep and almost immediately, doctors suspected thyroid or something worse - post natal depression.
Tests were conducted, and within days, it was confiremd. PND. Yikes.
I had no idea what it was then. What accompanied was 10 days of no sleep (I just can't sleep), excruciating headaches and simply "out of control" feeling. I really don't know what was happening to me, why it was happening to me. I tried to pray - can't. Tried to worship - can't. Yet, through it all, my determined mind got the better of me - I insisted on breast feeding totally.
I was so drained by 3 wks - which then I was still sleeping less than 2hrs a day and virtually not eating anything except painkillers for the headache. I had refused sleeping pills for fear of breast feeding and addiction myself. I was so desperate for a breakthrough. Yet honestly, I felt God so far away. "Why was this happening? Where are you Lord? Is my faith fake?"
People who came to visit got a shock to see me. Yes, I hit the bottom pit when at wk 3 - Jo bit my nipple so hard it bled so bad, I had to stop breastfeeding for a few days to let it heal.
That was God's intervention. He was moving.
When we had to bottle feed Jo due to the nipple issue, I broke down. That release, that cry unplugged all the tiredness and tension in me. I started to be able to pray, worship and read His word. It was break-through point.
Within days, I was back breastfeeding. Though my breastfeeding times coincided with the panick attacks frequently. The Holy Spirit inspired me to meditate on the verses Phil 4:13 as well as Psalm 121 whenever I breastfeed to garner strength to finish the feed. That, went on for 1 year. Slowly, the frequency and intensity of the attacks slowed.
It explains why 1 yr after Jo's birth, that I really regained my health through adequate sleep, diet and exercise. Before that, I was constantly tired and really not myself. :)
My view of why things happen? Yes, darkness was behind it. But God allowed it. Why so cruel? No, He knows there were mindsets in me that needed to change. He also knows I need the breaking.
Brokenness is the mark of Spiritual Maturity. It was necessary for me - I am who I am today,due to that breaking.
I know what matters in life now, abit more than I used to. I also know Christ more than I used to.
I treasure my life alot more.. and life it with a huge sense of purpose.
God be all Glory!
Friday 20 August 2010
God spoke
One of the most treasured moments I have with the Lord are the extended QT I get when Jo's in school in the morning, 2x a wk. I send her to school, then with bible and devotionals, head off to a nice place for a tea and QT.
And on Wed, I was craving for Mac so went to get a Filet breakfast. On settling down at a comfy seat, I asked the Lord "Father, you know the concerns on my heart, will you speak to me please?"
And He immediately bombarded my heart through my sight, the words on the Mac glass
- Laugh
- Celebrate
- Enjoy * 2
- Smile
- Dream
I was so touched! Felt that the enjoy = my 2 kids and the laughing and smiling comes from celebrating the goodness God will be pouring into my life (or has already poured). As for Dreaming, I know God wants me to arise again.
Yes, years 2006-2010 were years of dying, growing, stretching and renewing. It's a new phase for me. And I am ever excited for 2011.
2011 - Will be great not for what He has installed. But for the fact that He will be with me. :)
Tuesday 13 July 2010
Whatever that is pure, true, praiseworthy... think of such things!
Grandma has been coughing for a month already... and Johanna unfortunately caught her cough bug and has been coughing for 2 weeks.
With Grandma, it has gotten so serious that the doctor was concerned it could be more than a normal bug. Wanting to eliminate other possibilities like TB, puemonia or heart problems, I had to bring her to X Ray today.
And at the backdrop of it all, was the threat to Jo and me and my boy boy in my womb. What's the implications should the following be uncovered? Guess there's really alot of threats in that sense..
Today, while standing with Grandma and helper at the Xray area, it suddenly dawned on me I should not even be there as I am pregnant! I quickly excused myself and thank God! Let my helper handle Grandma while I zip off elsewhere to take cover.
Yes, there are threats. But what's the right thing to do? Must take care of Grandma what!
Lord, I do what I need to do, You do what You can do k? You are the only one that heals!
With Grandma, it has gotten so serious that the doctor was concerned it could be more than a normal bug. Wanting to eliminate other possibilities like TB, puemonia or heart problems, I had to bring her to X Ray today.
And at the backdrop of it all, was the threat to Jo and me and my boy boy in my womb. What's the implications should the following be uncovered? Guess there's really alot of threats in that sense..
Today, while standing with Grandma and helper at the Xray area, it suddenly dawned on me I should not even be there as I am pregnant! I quickly excused myself and thank God! Let my helper handle Grandma while I zip off elsewhere to take cover.
Yes, there are threats. But what's the right thing to do? Must take care of Grandma what!
Lord, I do what I need to do, You do what You can do k? You are the only one that heals!
Sunday 11 July 2010
Weekends...
Ever since the flu bug hit my household, I've been having very strenous nights and days for 2 weeks already. I guess it's getting its toil on me.
Emotionally rather frustrated and drained... yet at every junction where you want to "throw in the towel", there's this amazing peace and strength from the Lord to handle things calmly.
But I must admit that today, some of the bottled emotions are stirring in me.. to the extent that I'm getting the gastric reflux again.
Thankful at least, that my husband is with me through this challenging times. Guess I am tempted to be ungrateful and complain and play the blame game.. instead of being at peace that God is in control.
The pursuit of Christian maturity is not as easy as it seem.. but as simple as it is. Just rely on the cross!
Emotionally rather frustrated and drained... yet at every junction where you want to "throw in the towel", there's this amazing peace and strength from the Lord to handle things calmly.
But I must admit that today, some of the bottled emotions are stirring in me.. to the extent that I'm getting the gastric reflux again.
Thankful at least, that my husband is with me through this challenging times. Guess I am tempted to be ungrateful and complain and play the blame game.. instead of being at peace that God is in control.
The pursuit of Christian maturity is not as easy as it seem.. but as simple as it is. Just rely on the cross!
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